I expected you to march in there, throw one of your famous temper tantrums, tell us to get the fuck out of your restaurant (and here and here) because we are not worthy to be on the same continent as you, and basically just see a lot of people with the fear of death in their eyes.

Gordon, your restaurant actually did two things for me last night, the public opening. Firstly, I now know what a restaurant experience should be like. Secondly, you have spoiled all other restaurants for me for ever and ever. Ok, I am a bit of a drama queen, but you get my point.

The restaurant look absolutely amazing, and even though we were not there to look at the décor, we were all really impressed. The service was fantastic, to such an extend that at one point we thought maybe the service was too good? I know Gordon, what a stupid thing to say! We quickly decided that in fact the service was just perfect.

Getting to the food Gordon, here is where my life changed a bit. On your recommendation, we decided to order 4 different starters, and then share the portions. Fantastic idea, thank you very much. Every single taste made me forget my wine a little bit more, which is quite an achievement if you know me. The outstanding dish among outstanding dishes was the crab. How on earth do you get the meat so soft? Well done china, you did well.

Main meal I went for wagyu. Bare with me here, as I might get a bit religious as I progress, but surely Gordon; you must have had divine intervention when you thought of this dish. PJ on the other side of the table decided to order a “normal” rump steak to compare it with the wagyu. What a good idea. Half way through my waguy, PJ dared me to taste the difference between the two, and at this moment the light from above started shining on my plate. The normal rump was tough compared to the wagyu, and this should tell you how soft that steak really was. In any normal restaurant the rump would have been a gift from the gods, but the rump can just not compare to the wagyu. At R150.00 / 100g of wagyu, I think it’s underpriced. Seriously. I should have ordered more than the 200g I chose initially.

Dessert was ice cream time. I love ice cream, Gordon, and the plainer the better. Vanilla is my absolute favourite. Well, until last night Gordon. From now on, my absolute favourite will be your basil ice cream. Yes Gordon, a basil flavoured ice cream. Gordon, if you could try your hands at a rosemary ice cream, I would be indebted to you forever!

Gordon, my only wish was that you had time to come say hi to us. I realised you were very busy with running this small business thing of yours, so I forgive you. At least I managed to kiss Jean-Philippe. That’s right; I hugged him. Gordon, maybe it was good that you didn’t come to our table. I would have had difficulty behaving.

Well done, bru. You did well.

Total cost: Who cares?